i'm workin' on it

ahaha (admit it, ya chuckled)

Like this ad, I will choose to stay on the sunny side of stress.

Just last night I quoted Phil. 4:4 on this blog; today, while reading Crazy Love it popped up again. coincidence? I think not.

I'm also not gonna try to say it better than Francis Chan, because, he literally wrote the book:

"Rejoice! You'll notice that it doesn't end with, 'unless you're doing something extremely important.' No, it's a command for all of us that follows, 'Do not be anxious about anything'."

"In other words, [when I'm consumed with my problems] that I have the "right" to disobey God because of the magnitude of my responsibilities. Worry implies that we don't quite trust that God is big enough, powerful enough, or loving enough to take care of what's happening in our lives. Stress says that the things we are involved in are important enough to merit our impatience, our lack of grace toward others, or our tight grip of control. BASICALLY, these two behaviors [worry and stress, for those of you that missed it] communicate that it's okay to sin and not trust God because the stuff in my life is somehow exceptional."

OK, OK... see what I mean about God guiding even the most stubborn of individuals down His desired path? Twice in less than 12 hours God has put Phil. 4:4-7 smack dab in front of me. Think He wants me to let it go? Alright, Alright. Even I get it. I've GOT to let go and let God.

Just so we're clear: This is me, letting down my walls one inch at a time (slow and steady wins the race, right?), picking up my Bible and following God.

I'm instantly reminded of the song lyrics, "Thy word is a lamp unto my feet and a light unto my path." Weellllll, no offense to the author, but in my experience it's been a little different. God never promises to illuminate the entire path. Oh contraire mon amie. He only promises to show you which step to take next. Which, more often than not, is when the step you're currently on is seconds away from collapsing from underneath you, but somehow you always manage to jump just in the nick of time. Funny, huh? how things work out.. nah, I like the fact that none of my life is coincidental. Even if I haven't got the faintest idea of what the heck I'm doing, God does. I've just gotta stop being so dadgum stubborn. As my fratty sistas of the 99th pledge class of Alpha Dee say, "I'm workin' on it.."

a thankful heart is a happy heart

I know I copied the title from a Veggie Tales song, but it was the first thing that came to mind on the subject. Tonight I decided to read my Jesus Calling the night before so that it might settle me and essentially better equip me for the day. I was expecting something about giving up troubles etc., but what I got what a huge smack in the face.

"Thank me for the very things that are troubling you." (BAM)

If you've been keeping up with my journey lately, thank you from the bottom of my heart for your prayers and kind words- they mean soo much, then you know I've been struggling to find a balance between my will AND God's will.

At the moment Jesus' words of "not my will, but yours be done." are flashing in my head like a neon sign.

The verse to go with Jesus Calling tonight is Philippians 4:4-6 (I extended it to verse 7):

"Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again, Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."

of course, I read it, "In everything, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God...?" This recent development has baffled me lately, but not enough to sit down and actually figure it out. UNTIL today. I was talking with one of my bosses about how God can change even the most hardened of hearts (cool stuff for office meeting chatter if I do say so myself) and she explained it perfectly. She said she heard a lady say one time that when she was confronted with going to Sudan (insert any hardship/unwanted place) for missions she completely shut down. I'm talking Fort Knox; not no one, no how is gettn' in. She didn't open her Bible, didn't speak of missions, even avoided discussions of God with her husband for fear that God would change her desires. (DING DING DING WE HAVE A WINNER LADIES AND GENTS! STEP RIGHT UP FOR THE GAL WHO AVOIDED GOD) Too bad, I'm leaving out a crucial aspect of God... He doesn't need me to tell him when I'm ready.. He knows.

another thing.. He is all powerful. and he WILL close every door until you take the one He has for you. (even if you're stubborn like me) He knew that I wouldn't pick hardly anything on my own; so, He gave me no choice. Don't believe me? Just look; I ain't lyin':

-Samford (he "dropped money from the sky")

-minor in cultural studies (because it fit my schedule)

-internship at WMU (no one else hired me)

-attending Blume (He paid the way)

So, instead of my first/natural reaction when the door I want is slammed in my face, I will choose to be thankful that God knows me better than I know myself. You'd think I'd start to listen, wouldn't you?

"It is impossible to thank Me and curse Me at the same time. Thankfulness awakens you to my presence, which overshadows all your problems." -Jesus Calling

I, along with Madame Blueberry, am choosing a thankful, happy heart.. it's an easy way to start..

divin' in

it's official. we're taking the plunge.

July 12-16, Katelyn and I will board our flight to Orlando's Coronado Springs Resort for Blume 2011. As some of you may know, I'm the Blume Marketing intern for the summer and KG is another intern for National WMU. When we interviewed, we were told that we wouldn't be needed as interns for the actual event. However, God had different plans. Now, KG and I will be Y.E.S. facilitators for groups of girls at Epcot and general Blume staff for the rest of the week.

I'm not gonna lie; I'm scared. The biggest reservations I have are that I don't want to be used by God in this way. I don't want to want to do missions or become a missionary. This is where I KNOW I sound hypocritical. I love the LORD, and want to follow the path He has for me, but I want to follow my path too. I have plans. I have things I wana do, people I wana work for, and the career I want. I do want to travel. But my idea of traveling is to be a traveling journalist (i.e. be a food critic and eat my way through Europe and check out cool hotels) NOT be the next bride of Kolkata (formerly spelled Calcutta), if ya catch my drift.

The turning point was when my mama said,

"Anna, I wish you would go[to Blume]. If you open yourself up to God, and serve Him, He will bless you."

(I mean, really?! I get it..)

I've made myself perfectly clear that I don't want the desire to essentially work in this field; I want to write fluff for Southern Weddings Magazine or fluff for InStyle, not write curriculum for Sunday School. The other interns get a big kick out of this. They're just waiting for the moment when I walk into our room at Blume and say, "okay..I'm moving to [fill in the blank] to do [such n such] because I feel like God is leading me there." They, having been to Blume and experienced all its' awesomeness, are elated about the possibilities for my spiritual and emotional growth. And me? I'm bracing for a hard landing.

However, I'm taking the leap. Jumping into the deep end with the assurance that God's timing is better than my own. I have no idea what kind of emotions, experiences and growing await me in Orlando, but I'm going to go find out (even if my heels are dragging the whole way).

"Growth means change, and change involves risks. Stepping from the known to the unknown"

-anonymous (fitting, right?)

*prayers appreciated as I take a flying leap out of my comfort zone

in a nutshell

my plan for the summer. and for my life.

I've always been told to dream BIG.

but no one mentions how to make your dreams a reality.

this summer, I'm attempting to:

-define my dreams

-gather information

-develop a game plan

and essentially chomp at the bit til D-Day...

May 18, 2012

get ready world- here I come.

and I refuse to settle for less than my dreams

in all of their wonderous entirety

play while you work

Part of my job as "Marketing Intern for Blume" is to update the social media outlets; today I got my turn to shine.

have a little faith and you'll see

"Because wanting to make a living as a freelance cartoonist, clothing designer, or computer programmer isn't silly. It's dreamable, doable, and damn good fun."

-My So-Called Freelance Life

While on my quest to better myself/make myself more marketable/figure out a life plan, I've stumbled upon some pretty fabulous finds; oh, and a book or two. Most recently I've found this little gem.

{By: Michelle Goodman}

The forward states,"For anyone who's ever hit the snooze button five times in a row on Monday morning." JACKPOT. Someone finally understands me. (if you think im exagerating just contact Meredith Landers, my roommate of 3 years)

I've only read 3 chapters and have already made a "business plan to go" and laughed so hard I cried. I feel like Michelle and I would get along well. Her no-nonsense, honest approach to life hit me square between the eyes. Because when your idea of a good job resembles that of Rebeca Bloomwood (channel Confessions of a Shopaholic) you know you're gonna need to do some research about the reality of journalism. Thus, my quest for how to write/market/freelance and essentially get some cash money flow while still feeding my passion for "fluff" entertainment has begun. I've already read What Color is Your Parachute and skimmed through Knowing Your Value: Women, Money, and Getting What You're Worth, and as you can see, I'm on to freelancing. I'm choosing to use this desire of mine to build up as much knowledge about my desired field as possible, and besides, a lil research never killed anyone, did it? I'm hoping that this knowledge will build a bridge over my fence of insecurities to my totally fabulous future. I'm determined to find my dream job, and yes, naysayers, it does exsist.

Because, "What's so juvenile about actually liking what you do for a living? What's wrong with designing your own career if you can't stomach the one you've got or can't figure out what kind of job you want in the first place? Isn't that a better bet than hanging on to a 9-to-5 that makes you feel like you're crawling over broken glass sixty hours a week?" -Michelle Goodman

Why, YES Michelle, it is...

free fallin'

"Every great dream begins with a dreamer.

Always remember, you have within you

the strength, the patience and the passion

to reach for the stars to change the world."

Harriet Tubman

Today my assignment was to skim my summer reading book, an extremely helpful job-hunting book updated frequently, titles "What Color is Your Parachute?". As I began to fill out the puzzles, tests and diagrams I discovered, to my horror, that I don't really know myself very well at all.

This may seem stupid considering I would have bet my life on the fact that, other than God and maybe my mama, I would definitely know myself best; wouldn't we all?

However, I now have a complete "flower" diagram of traits, personality characteristics, values, working conditions and more to guide my search for my dream job, and ultimately my dream life that seem almost foreign to me.

I feel like a more appropriate title might have been "Where do you want to land?" or "Stop fooling yourself, you know nothing about what you actually want," But no one asked this skeptic..

Now I feel like I've filled out my manual but have no idea how to read it. As I stare at the diagram of patterns of my own life I'm almost more confused than ever.

I now know what I'm good at, where I would want to live, what range of salary fits my line of expertise and which "people environment" I'm best in..all on paper that is. Why is it that on paper everything sounds fabulous? It's like a trick our minds play on us; "This is what you want, Anna, it says so right there!" But what happens once im there (wherever there is)?

"You've got to be careful if you don't know where you're going, because you might not get there."

-Yogi Berra

The truth is you can't know. I can't know. And this book can't know either. Only God can know where my life will lead and when and where it will intersect with my dream job and dream life. And the truth is, me sitting here worrying about my future won't make it any less complicated. This is one of the many, many times where I'm just gonna hafta take my knowledge, experience and dreams... and leap...

..Here goes nothin..