Beloved

"I'm only a tool, beloved. Not your Savior."

-Redeeming Love

Ever heard the song by Heidi Newfield titled, "Johnny and June?" Well, being an avid fan of country music I must admit I've jammed out to it a time or two. The reason I'm asking is because the whole concept behind the song is to describe a famous love story, Johnny Cash and June Carter. As appealing as it is to "walk the line" it's not exactly what little girls dream about for relationships; we want security, compassion, friendship set on fire kinda things. Here's where I have a dilemma. If you've read this blog before you might know about my constant battle to put God's will before my own, my need for control and consistency in my life, and that I'm attempting a full-blown committed relationship with the Lord of my life. This brings me to the example of Redeeming Love. (pause to say if you've never heard of it, familiarized yourself with the story, or actually read it. GO. 1) because I'm about to ruin it for you and 2) seriously, you're only hurting yourself/committing a grave injustice to your spiritual and literal relationships by not.) The example of Michael Hosea's love for Sarah/Angel/Mara/Tirzah as a marriage relationship hits it out of the park for girls struggling with viewing God in a tangible relationship way (aka ME).

The way that he unconditionally pursues her after she continually betrays him, his love, and their covenant is seriously mind-blowing. I must confess that I've read it twice and never had the slightest desire to read the actual biblical text that inspired this best-selling book. Until 3 days ago in church. It wasn't some epiphany but there was a certain feeling. Something the pastor said reminded me of the book and (as per usual) my mind went off on about a million tangents leading me to flip to the book of Hosea. Instantly I felt the need to read through the text and discuss it. 1) to strengthen my own knowledge of biblical text 2) to see the real story 3) to help me better grasp the concept of unconditional love (which I struggle with-- shout out to all my "checklist for future mate" gals out there...we gotta let it go) and 4) to have a firm foundation for my budding spiritually-romantic relationship with God.

There are numerous scenes from this fantabulous book that I could share but for the purposes

of time and space I'll name a only a few.

My favs include, but are not limited to: [side note: Michael is God and Angel is all believers who put anything else before God and are essentially unfaithful to the relationship]

-when Michael burst through the door to rescue a badly-beaten Angel and nurse her back to health in his secluded house.

-when he describes his love for her time and time again

-when she finally realizes and comes back through the field to him shedding her insecurities and fears (and clothes) making her completely vulnerable to his love

“I promise to love and cherish you, to honor and sustain you, in sickness and in health, in poverty and in wealth,in the bad that may darken our days, in the good that may light our way. Tirzah, beloved, I promise to be true to you in all things until I die. And even beyond that, God willing.”

-Redeeming Love

The thing that I most relate to in my own spiritual relationship is the constant chase, or being fervently pursued by God, when I don't always reciprocate. I, like Angel, feel soo unbelievably unworthy of such love that I justify turning away because I shouldn't be able to receive it. Like Angel, it's a foreign concept to be loved unconditionally; there's always been a catch. It's a sad reality that hardens our hearts to cynical and hesitant. Most of the time I don't even realize I'm doing it. I feel like I'm putting God first, but in reality I'm a slave to school, social life, career/job search, and sustaining my tangible relationships. I make these things a priority and fail to realize that God falls last by default.

It ends today. At least, I hope so. I'm starting the process of reading through Hosea chapter by chapter with my sweet friend and baboosh, Erin "Easy-E" Shaw. I'm excited to bounce ideas off of each other and figure out how exactly this concept fits uniquely into each of our lives.

I'll keep you updated about the core-shaking results I'm expecting. 'Til then, evaluate your life. See where God falls on your list. It's scary and humbling, but I promise that if you attempt to put that relationship in the same category as a marriage relationship it will shoot back up to the top of your list. It makes it easier to keep in check if you can equate it to something valuable.

because we can

my sincere apologies for taking over a month to post again. the only way to keep people interested (if you ever were) in what i have to say is to post as often as possible...but sometimes life(recruitment, senior thesis proposals,getting settled, and keeping my social life afloat) gets in the way.

but today is different. not because i've suddenly caught up and have nothing i should be doing. no, but because i'm taking a time out. i'm stepping off of the hamster wheel that is senior year and giving myself a lazy Sunday.

in honor of the Sex and The City marathon that has sufficiently killed all thoughts of productivity.. i've decided to give in and let my mind wander to the wonderfully whimsical place that is all things feminine.

even the most cynical gal has a side like this to her.. and from my last post you know that i'm giving in to the daintier side of life. so c'mon, walk with me for a bit...through my wandering mind of frilly pictures i've collected to capture the essence of a truly fabulous, lazy day... because girls act this way for a reason..it's because we can.

"I don't mind living in a man's world

as long as I can be a woman in it."

-Marilyn Monroe

pretty in pink

This self-proclaimed hippie-grunge, casual, no glitz gal has unexpectedly and involuntarily turned a new leaf. I've never really been one for tutu's and sparkles; at least that's what my mom tells me. I was the child that insisted on dressing herself in mismatched, borderline tomboy clothes much to the dismay and embarrassment of my preppy, dress-wearing, bow wielding older sister. But, hey, that's how I rolled. Until lately.

These days I'm a fan of anything and everything girly; the more pink or sparkly the better. I mean seriously, who.am.i? My friend Kelsey Jo will understand where I'm coming from--being obsessed with all things blue-specifically turquoise- she has also turned a new glittery leaf and gone so far as to purchase a PINK planner for the school year. I think this epidemic is spreading fast. So, I took it upon myself to figure out why it is that girls might be obsessed with pink frills and sparkles. It doesn't take long to figure out we never even had a chance...

Children's minds are extremely impressional; no wonder little girls grow up drenched in glitter. The first hints of this girliness come from Sleeping Beauty; I mean, c'mon who wouldn't wanna wear that dress and twirl with her prince??

Next I blame the 80s, specifically Pretty in Pink. Any girl that says she didn't want Andie (in her pink dress) and Blane to get back together at the prom is lying through her teeth. (even though Ducky made a valiant effort)

[Carrie Bradshaw in her "final night in NYC" dress. note that it's as frilly as possible]

The examples go on and on, but I'm choosing to embrace my new found girliness to the fullest extent. Here's why...

You can dress it way, way up. I would willingly wear ANY of these for a night on the town.

You can dress it down.

You can dress it all around.

Or do it loud and proud with accessories.

So, whether you're 2,

or 92, or somewhere in between- embrace that fun, girly, sparkly self that we all know is trying to let loose.

[my current fashion necessity: a pale pink blazer]

*all photos courtesy of pinterest

it's a love story, baby, just say yes

Oliver and Jennifer from "Love Story"

We've all seen them. The movies that make you sigh and imagine your prince charming. With a culture saturated by instant gratifications it's no wonder we find waiting for "the right one" more than mildly irritating. BUT no fear my faithful companions--my incredibly fiery, full of life friend, Jessica Carroll forwarded me an ah.maze.ing. article today. I don't care who you are these articles will give you a new perspective of they way you view your very own love story.

This one's for the ladies

This one's for the fellas

BUT I recommend reading both to get the full benefit

So, no matter what your ideal "love story" looks like...

Noah and Allie

Sixteen Candles

Carrie and Big

Giuliana and Bill

or even Katy Perry and Russell Brand

take heart in knowing that being yourself is all you need.

who needs pictures?

I do.

After a year of photojournalism classes it's no secret that I'm fond of a pretty picture, but lately my obsession has taken a slight twist.

Not only am I obsessed with looking at well-taken photographs, I'm now on the hunt for vintage cameras of all kinds. This fire was fueled yesterday when I stopped by Sheffields Antiques and got lost in the rows of possibilities.

One day I hope to have an office big enough for a cabinet full of antique cameras and typewriters.

[something like this is what I'm thinking]

Here begins my search:

This amazing camera is a hybrid of vintage flare and digital technology, and I WANT one! Not only is it uber chic but also practical; it's a win/win. This will definitely be on my Christmas list..

'til then I'll stick with my lil rebel

I'm in love, I'm in love, and I don't care who knows it!

Have I told you? I'm in a relationship, and it's getting serious. I think I'm in love.

Francis Chan describes it best when he says, "When you are truly in love, you go to great lengths to be with the one you love. You'll drive for hours to be together, even if it's only for a short while. You don't mind staying up late to talk. Walking in the rain is romantic, not annoying. You'll willingly spend a small fortune on the one you're crazy about. When you are apart from each other, it's painful, even miserable. He or she is all you think about; you jump at any chance to be together."

Yep, I'd say that's about right, wouldn't you? Well for those that are wondering, I'm describing my relationship with God. (at least what I'm aiming for)

As a girl, single or not, we grow up imagining who we will end up with; it's only natural, right? Playing songs like Rebecca St. James' "Wait For Me," Ed Cash's "Marry Me," and Miranda Lambert's "Lovesong," but do we ever stop to think about our relationship with God?

I didn't used to. The seed was planted in my heart last summer when I went through the Bible study "Knowing God" with Sunday school class. Every week was a struggle with exercises encouraging you to build a relationship with God not just follow him or believe His word. I often expressed my frustration to my teacher and friend, Jess, saying it's just soo hard because he's not here like a real friend. I can't see him, touch him, hear his advice. This was a constant battle for me that I kind of worked at but let slide once school started. This summer, while fervently chasing my dreams, I began the process of surrendering my my life to God in the form of a committed relationship.

It's not always easy, but I'm trying to chase after him the way I'd chase after a crush. Spending time with Him daily through quiet time, devotions, scripture readings, and prayer is how this relationship grows. It takes dedication and persistence, but it's well worth the end result. I'm also one of those people who hears God best through music and can see God best through nature.

I warn you: this relationship will NOT bloom overnight, no decent relationship can, and it will not always be easy to love God, just like it's not always easy to love your friends or partner or anyone.

"The fact is, I need God to help me love God. And if I need His help to love Him, a perfect being, I definitely need his help to love other, fault-filled humans. Something mysterious, even supernatural must happen in order for a genuine love for God to grow in our hearts. The Holy Spirit has to move in our lives." -Francis Chan

Ask God to give you this desire every day, and He will. Once you have it, it's hard to imagine how you ever lived without it, much like a tangible relationship. And don't get me wrong, I'm still very much waiting for my Prince Charming, but my love bank is full right now with my current relationship with God. So, I can't complain much.

After all,

"This is my story, this is my song. Praising my Savior all the day long."

*blog post title from the wonderful movie Elf

i'm a little more country than that

Just so we're clear, I blame genetics for this...

Both of my grandmothers were intensely fond of country music; therefore, I believe that I was genetically programmed to love it and everything that goes along with it, for the purposes of this post I mean specifically cowboys.

Whether it's genetics, the deep Southern drawl, southern summers, or just plain preference, I'm crazy for country cowboys. Now, I know what you're thinking.. "yea, yea. so is every other southern girl." To this I reply, "so what." It doesn't take a true lover of all things country-fried to appreciate 4-wheel drive, an old dirt road, or Luke Bryan. But while on my hiatus, I've become particularly preoccupied with WHY exactly this is. I've come up with a few answers for me personally. Let's go..

numero uno: George Strait (need I say more?) This country cutie has been melting hearts ever since his hit "Unwound" back in 1981, and he's had the most #1 songs of any artist in history (from any genre, he's had 57 as of 2010)

My dad's mom(Grandma) says he's her favorite because he just sits on stage and stares right into the camera, right at'ya. c'mon, any gal would swoon, right?

His song "Troubadour" has been playing on repeat while I'm writing this, FYI. I'm oddly fond of the lyrics,

"Well the truth about a mirror

Is that a damned, ole mirror

Don't really tell the whole truth.

It don't show what's deep inside,

Or read between the lines.

And it's really no reflection of my youth."

Still not convinced?

Numero dos: Hope Floats dancing scene. period. roll curtain. (but seriously, Harry Conick Jr. outdoes himself as Texas' toned trailblazer.) If that scene doesn't get ya then wait for when he waits in front of the photo shop for her. Literally, ah.maze.ing.

Numero tres: Who wouldn't wana sit on a front porch swing drinking sweet tea from a mason jar in cowboy boots? I beg of you, people. Anyone who has roots below the Mason-Dixon line would be in heaven.

Numero quatro: My trip to San Antonio, Texas, or more specifically to Gruene, Texas. If you've ever had ANY desire to dance in a honky tonk, this dance hall will make you want to pack your bags and become a Texan. This is definitely on my list for traveling again. It brings out every fiber of "country" in your soul.

Anyone still not convinced why it's so easy to love a cowboy, Google/iTunes search: Luke Bryan, Jake Owen, Jason Aldean, Blake Shelton, Conway Twitty, John Anderson, Johnny Cash, George Jones, Alan Jackson, Hank Wiliams Jr., or any other "related search" that pops up.

okay, okay. Maybe I live in a fantasy world/in the movies where when I'm sitting on that front porch swing there are no mosquitos, I'm not dying of heat stroke, and I have nothing else I should be doing. Nevertheless, I do think that my love of Southern gents runs deeper than the muddy Mississippi, and I have my charming Memaw and Grandma to thank for it.

To them I'll say what Emily and I always said to my mom's mom(Memaw) whenever we left her house,

"I appreciate it."