Beloved

"I'm only a tool, beloved. Not your Savior."

-Redeeming Love

Ever heard the song by Heidi Newfield titled, "Johnny and June?" Well, being an avid fan of country music I must admit I've jammed out to it a time or two. The reason I'm asking is because the whole concept behind the song is to describe a famous love story, Johnny Cash and June Carter. As appealing as it is to "walk the line" it's not exactly what little girls dream about for relationships; we want security, compassion, friendship set on fire kinda things. Here's where I have a dilemma. If you've read this blog before you might know about my constant battle to put God's will before my own, my need for control and consistency in my life, and that I'm attempting a full-blown committed relationship with the Lord of my life. This brings me to the example of Redeeming Love. (pause to say if you've never heard of it, familiarized yourself with the story, or actually read it. GO. 1) because I'm about to ruin it for you and 2) seriously, you're only hurting yourself/committing a grave injustice to your spiritual and literal relationships by not.) The example of Michael Hosea's love for Sarah/Angel/Mara/Tirzah as a marriage relationship hits it out of the park for girls struggling with viewing God in a tangible relationship way (aka ME).

The way that he unconditionally pursues her after she continually betrays him, his love, and their covenant is seriously mind-blowing. I must confess that I've read it twice and never had the slightest desire to read the actual biblical text that inspired this best-selling book. Until 3 days ago in church. It wasn't some epiphany but there was a certain feeling. Something the pastor said reminded me of the book and (as per usual) my mind went off on about a million tangents leading me to flip to the book of Hosea. Instantly I felt the need to read through the text and discuss it. 1) to strengthen my own knowledge of biblical text 2) to see the real story 3) to help me better grasp the concept of unconditional love (which I struggle with-- shout out to all my "checklist for future mate" gals out there...we gotta let it go) and 4) to have a firm foundation for my budding spiritually-romantic relationship with God.

There are numerous scenes from this fantabulous book that I could share but for the purposes

of time and space I'll name a only a few.

My favs include, but are not limited to: [side note: Michael is God and Angel is all believers who put anything else before God and are essentially unfaithful to the relationship]

-when Michael burst through the door to rescue a badly-beaten Angel and nurse her back to health in his secluded house.

-when he describes his love for her time and time again

-when she finally realizes and comes back through the field to him shedding her insecurities and fears (and clothes) making her completely vulnerable to his love

“I promise to love and cherish you, to honor and sustain you, in sickness and in health, in poverty and in wealth,in the bad that may darken our days, in the good that may light our way. Tirzah, beloved, I promise to be true to you in all things until I die. And even beyond that, God willing.”

-Redeeming Love

The thing that I most relate to in my own spiritual relationship is the constant chase, or being fervently pursued by God, when I don't always reciprocate. I, like Angel, feel soo unbelievably unworthy of such love that I justify turning away because I shouldn't be able to receive it. Like Angel, it's a foreign concept to be loved unconditionally; there's always been a catch. It's a sad reality that hardens our hearts to cynical and hesitant. Most of the time I don't even realize I'm doing it. I feel like I'm putting God first, but in reality I'm a slave to school, social life, career/job search, and sustaining my tangible relationships. I make these things a priority and fail to realize that God falls last by default.

It ends today. At least, I hope so. I'm starting the process of reading through Hosea chapter by chapter with my sweet friend and baboosh, Erin "Easy-E" Shaw. I'm excited to bounce ideas off of each other and figure out how exactly this concept fits uniquely into each of our lives.

I'll keep you updated about the core-shaking results I'm expecting. 'Til then, evaluate your life. See where God falls on your list. It's scary and humbling, but I promise that if you attempt to put that relationship in the same category as a marriage relationship it will shoot back up to the top of your list. It makes it easier to keep in check if you can equate it to something valuable.